I drove into Beaufort about a year ago, minutes after hearing the news that my dad was nearing the end of his life. He was given a week and my life was about to change forever. As I drove from Newport to Beaufort I remember thinking two things 1) How do I call my brother and give him this news? 2) The shotgun barrel I had been staring down for 18 months was about to go off and I have no clue what I am going to do with me when it does.
I walked into the Courthouse in downtown Beaufort and waited patiently outside the door until the interview panel was ready to see me. I remember saying to myself, “What in the world am I doing here during a time like this?” But then I heard that voice in my head reply, “Just go to the interview, it will be good experience.”
I was stone cold, emotionless and fearless. I was already living a nightmare and nothing at this point was going to phase me. I did not prepare for the interview and walked in completely raw because honestly that was all I had to offer. I had no expectations of the interview and if I was nervous I didn’t know because I was numb to emotions at this point.
I left the interview puzzled and with a completely different outlook than the one I entered the room with. I felt a peace like I was at home and that everything was going to be alright. I had a confidence that when I made it out of this storm there would still be a place for me in this world and I would still be wanted and needed. I was oddly calm and a little excited about the opportunity.
As I walked back in the Crystal Coast Hospice House, where my dad was living out his final days and where my husband was waiting patiently for my return, I had a peace about me I had not felt in a long time. Chris said, “How did it go?” and I replied, “It actually was great and I felt like I was at home.”
Two days later I found myself driving back to Beaufort for another meeting. Again thinking to myself, “What am I doing?” I had no idea what to expect from the meeting but was honored the panel wanted to meet with me again. Shortly, after my arrival the conference room was packed and I felt like a celebrity. I was answering questions, explaining policy and procedures, telling stories about my family and who I pulled for in the ACC. All of a sudden the chatter stopped, the laughter was silenced and all eyes were on me. ME! A broken hearted young lady who was losing her whole world and not a sole in the room knew it. And then…. The chairman offered me the job! Tears rolled down my face and I saw the worry on all of their faces. I replied with, “Thank you so much, I am honored to have been chosen for this position but I need to ask if you will be patient with me. Before I walked in today I was told my dad would not live through the night. So I hope you will understand that the next few days could be a whirlwind for me but I will be in contact after I have a chance to speak with my husband.”
I drove back to Newport where my family sat with heavy hearts and teary eyes. I simply asked for a moment with dad alone and waited for the room clear out. I took dad’s hand and a tear rolled down my cheek when I said, “Don’t hang on for me I will find my way. You taught me how to fight and how to dig in when things are tough. I have Christopher to lean on and together we will make it. Don’t worry about us and please don’t hang on for us. You have fought hard and you deserve to rest in peace. Please, don’t suffer for me anymore. By the way, I got the job. I don’t know what is next for me but I wanted you to be the first to know. I will still need you to stop by my office from time to time for a few words of wisdom. I will still need your guidance and I will always be your little girl. You can let go dad, I love you no matter what and you have fought one heck of a battle and will always be my hero.”
I will never forget a second of that day for as long as I live. This was the ending of life as I had always known it and the beginning of a new chapter in Beaufort.
Thirty days later, I survived the funeral and the goodbye to my staff who I adored and who supported me through this rough journey from the beginning. But little did I know, when I got to Beaufort my journey of survival was just beginning. I was doing life one day at a time. Finding ways to simply put one foot in front of the other and just trying to survive.
Beaufort welcomed me with open arms. Welcomed my sadness, my brokenness, my anger and my confusion. Beaufort supported me when the weight of my heart was too heavy to carry. Beaufort had sunsets that reminded me dad was near and watching my every step. Beaufort’s afternoon breeze reminded me of dad’s gentleness and kindness. Beaufort absorbed my tear drops on its sidewalks as I walked miles searching for the answer to, why me? Beaufort had a cute cottage waiting for me with a lovely front porch. On this porch I hung the wind chime my brother gave me which reminds me to listen for dad in the wind. This porch is also where I rocked in my rocking chair when I had nothing left to give except the rock of my foot back and forth. Beaufort listened to me sob into the wee hours of the night and heard me cry out to God to please help me through this awful heartache. Beaufort comforted me on the days when I woke up and didn’t recognize the person starring back at me in the mirror. Beaufort welcomed my old friends when they came to visit and introduced me to many more friends who I have grown to adore. Beaufort gave Chris and I the opportunity to date again and enjoy each other’s company. Beaufort laughed with me when my dog, Beau, pooped in front of the guided tour on Front Street. Beaufort taught me the beauty of a no wake zone. I am not sure there is a better no wake zone than Taylor’s Creek. It was here I realized the importance of slowing down, enjoying the scenery and embracing the calm. Beaufort didn’t judge me or ask anything from me. Beaufort simply let me be.
It has been a year since life landed me in the beautiful Town of Beaufort. Many people don’t understand our relationship. But those who truly know me, know exactly why Beaufort and I have become such great friends. My journey to Beaufort was not for the weak and certainly has not been easy. We have experienced many ups and downs but together have managed to make it through.
I made a huge decision to split my home between two places and move to a town where I knew no one, to start a job in a town I knew nothing about. While many believe this decision was made on an emotional whim and was a setup for failure, I believe Beaufort and I are a great team and God knew exactly where I needed to be. I now have a clear understanding that my life doesn’t have to look like others or make others feel comfortable. What may be best for me may not be the best for someone else. But it only has to work for me. My lifestyle and my career choice may blow other people’s minds but at the end of the day it is the life I have built and a life I am proud of.
We don’t have to be picture perfect. It’s okay to fall apart and then get back up. It’s okay to be different or have different needs than others. What’s important is that we follow our heart, pay attention to that fire that burns inside of us and acknowledge that gut feeling we get from time to time. Your journey will not be like mine and that’s what makes it special, it is your journey. Pave your own way and when it seems impossible simply take a step back and find another way. We all have a place and a purpose and if you haven’t found yours yet, keep searching. Allow yourself the time to dream. Be raw. Keep an open mind. When you fall get back up. Discard other people’s opinion of you. Feel the emotions. Don’t fear the storm. Your journey is yours! You can’t change what is going on around you without changing what is going on within you. DO IT FOR YOU!
I would like to dedicate this post to all of the friends and family who have supported me through the most difficult time in my life. I struggle with the lose of my dad daily but I am so thankful to have the love and support from each of you. It has not been easy and this fight is no where near over but I am choosing to get back up and put one foot in front of the other. Thank you all and God Bless!
– Sarah Davis
do it for you 
You are a strong, brilliant, beautiful woman. I know Mike is watching over you.
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