Wife on the Campaign Trail

Being married to the youngest elected sheriff in the United States of America is a challenge I live with every day. Being a part of the long, exhausting campaign was no easy task but it was also the most rewarding experience of my life so far. I learned a lot about being a leader through my husband’s campaign and that often times being a leader is not fun or easy. Being a leader is about commitment, integrity and courage.

I can remember exactly where I was standing when my husband said “I am going to run for sheriff of Pamlico County in the 2014 election.” I was twenty three years old standing in the kitchen fixing dinner in an old farm house we were renting at the time. Pamlico County was home for my husband and I but at the time we were living in Martin County where my husband was a narcotics investigator. Martin County required its employees to live in their county, I was willing to do anything to get out of that farm house and back to my home town. My response to my husband was typical “Okay grab a notepad, pen and let’s start planning”. I always write my thoughts down and love to strategize a plan. We started throwing out ideas of people we needed to call with past campaign experience, people we would need on our team to be successful, and all the obstacles we needed to consider. We spent the next few days making phone calls, discussing our plan with family and friends and coming up with our strategy. However, we had a huge obstacle to conquer before any of the other steps could take place.

We had to live in Pamlico County for at least one year prior to the election. We also had to convince Martin County that their employees should be able to live in other areas and commute to work if they chose. This was a pretty big challenge to overcome for a campaign that had not even gotten off the ground yet. My husband handled talking to the current sheriff of Martin County about commuting while I worked on where we would be commuting from. I rented a house and moved back home immediately but my husband’s commute issue was taking longer than we hoped. This did not slow us down. We decided to pay two rents, one in Pamlico County so we could meet our election obligation and one in Martin County, so my husband would legally have a residence in Martin County. This was a huge financial sacrifice that paid off in the end. We could have easily let this bump in the road hinder our future but we had already decided that was not an option. So we both commuted to work. I commuted an hour to and from work each day while my husband commuted an hour and a half each way.

Once we moved and got settled in to our long commutes; we were still a year and a half away from actual Election Day and eight months from the election filing period when we started getting the campaign off the ground. Most candidates do not start this early but we had a lot to prove to the citizens of Pamlico County and many more obstacles to overcome.

My husband and I realized quickly the campaign was going to be a group effort and citizens would be watching our every move. Not only was my husband in the spotlight but so was I and our campaign team. We kept our team very small each person being handpicked.  We needed people who we both trusted, were good role models, energetic, hardworking and tough skinned. We surrounded ourselves with a team of people who would push us when the battle started getting tough. We created a team of about five core members including ourselves with a few others we could call on when we needed more man power. Our core team met every week to discuss our plan, help raise money, coordinate events and deliver feedback from the community. Two of our campaign members had past campaigning experience which was valuable in the beginning but it didn’t take long to figure out our campaign was unique and was going to take more than the traditional campaign tactics that had been practiced in the past. We had to outwork our opponent and all previous election candidates to prove we had the best candidate.

The first part of our strategy was to find ways to turn our weaknesses into strengths. The most significant challenge we faced was age and maturity. A lot of citizens felt my husband was too young to be Sheriff.  We tackled this challenge by allowing the citizens time and opportunities to watch and observe my husband’s actions. We made sure he was at every event possible and dressed in a suit to show professionalism. This was new because the citizens were not used to seeing their incumbent sheriff dressed in a suit. Being at all the community events showed our dedication to the community, gave our team a chance to listen to the citizens and allowed the citizens a chance to watch how my husband carried himself.  Whenever a citizen approached us about his age we made two points: 1) his experience 2) that his youth brought a lot of energy which was needed to run the sheriff office.  It did not take long for the citizens of Pamlico County to notice my husband’s professionalism and work ethic was extraordinary given his age.

The second challenge we faced was familiarizing his name throughout the entire county.  Even though we grew up in Pamlico County, we needed the citizens to associate his name with being sheriff. He was challenging a twelve year incumbent sheriff whose name was already well known. We tackled this challenge by being personable with the citizens of Pamlico County. We knocked on almost every door in addition to attending all the community events. Knocking on doors was a great way to talk to people one on one and listen to their concerns. The citizens responded well and most appreciated the chance to voice their concerns. Others envied the effort our team was giving and liked being able to put a face with a name.

Getting to know the citizens helped with the last part of our strategy which was being a voice for the citizens. When my husband gave public speeches or participated in debates he was able to voice the concerns of the citizens and his plan of action to make Pamlico County a safer place to live. The citizens did not want to hear what the incumbent sheriff was doing wrong they wanted to hear our plan to protect their community. Being a leader is not about pointing out someone else’s faults but showing what you can do to help improve the situation. As humans it is easy for us to point the finger at what others are not doing instead of focusing on what we are doing to help make a difference.

I was a big part of the campaign team and implementing the campaign strategy but being the wife of the candidate required many additional duties as well. Being the wife of a candidate requires a lot if sacrifice and balance. Our campaign team volunteered countless hours to my husband’s campaign; I was on the clock twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I agreed to support my husband’s campaign from day one but I had no idea the sacrifice I would actually be making. It did not take long to realize my husband’s name would be the one on the ballot but we were both under a microscope in our community. I had to pay attention to the way I dressed, the way I spoke to people and how I carried myself in public. I had to be just as prepared to answer the questions and concerns of the citizens as my husband did.

            In addition to the many sacrifices I made during the campaign I spent a lot of time trying to find balance. My day did not end when the campaign meetings adjourned or when the social events were over; sometimes my days were just beginning. I played a big role in supporting the campaign while also keeping our home afloat. One minute I was acting as campaign manager and the next I had to be a supporting wife. Often times these two roles overlapped but other times they needed to be separated. Finding a balance between the two roles was the true challenge. My role as a wife was to be a good listener, a shoulder to lean on and being my husband’s biggest supporter. Unfortunately, this role also required that sometimes I had to be his biggest critic. I helped write and proof read many speeches but sometimes I had to be the bad guy and suggest ways to improve with the speech delivery. This is just one example of offering criticism which he needed in order to make adjustments and improvements. Finding the balance between offering a high-five and offering tips of improvements was never an easy task.

            While I often found myself making sacrifices and struggling to find balance in my role as wife and campaign manager, my role as a leader on this team came naturally. I have always considered myself a leader and have never minded working hard to achieve my own personal goals. While this was the biggest challenge I had ever encountered I approached it with the same ambition as any other goals I had set for myself in the past. I decided at the beginning of the campaign if we wanted to win the election we were going to have to outwork our opponent and it was going to be an uphill battle. I made the statement several times throughout the journey that “I was young and had my running shoes laced up and intended on giving this race my all.” This was the attitude I carried with me every day on this experience.  There were certainly days I was tired and saw no end in sight but I kept putting one foot in front of the other.  The harder the struggle the harder I worked. I would say my natural leadership skills kept our team focused and determined. I spent hours organizing events and finding more events for our team to attend. When we were not at community events I was organizing groups to knock on doors. There wasn’t ever a moment I wasn’t focused on our goal and finding ways to outwork our opponent.

            Being a leader is about wanting to succeed so badly you can’t even sleep at night. I lay awake many nights during the campaign physically tired but my mind was racing 100 mph.  My husband was the face and name of our campaign but I was the driver. Our campaign team kept their eyes on me to set the example for our team. My husband had many tasks that only he as the candidate could perform. This left the rest of the team looking at me for guidance in ways we could continue effectively pushing for success. I had to find ways to utilize all of our team member’s individual strengths. We had some members who excelled in planning and organizing events and others who were great at talking to the public. I had to prioritize all of our individual strengths in order to capitalize on our team goals.

            In addition to leading by example I was also the middle man between my husband, the candidate, and the rest of our team who were volunteers. This required a great amount of communication skills. I had to spend a lot of time listening to my husband in order to picture his vision then finds ways to communicate with our other team members to help achieve this vision. This was not easy because, again, I had to keep in consideration that our team was volunteering their time and not an employee of our campaign. Therefore, finding effective ways to communicate was important because barking orders was not an option.

            While I had to use my communication skills to deliver my husband’s vision of bringing professional law enforcement to the citizens of Pamlico County, I also had a vision of my own. My vision revolved around being a role model in my community and showing the youth of Pamlico County that with a little commitment, integrity and courage you can do anything you put your mind to. I wanted people to know that hard work pays off and never be afraid of chasing your dreams. I wanted to prove that the impossible can happen if you have a little faith. There were so many reasons we could have shied away from running a campaign against a twelve year incumbent but the campaign was my husband’s dream and that was the only reason I needed to make it worth my while. We never gave up and we never lost hope. This was the message I envisioned would reach the people of Pamlico County and hopefully spread further. Great leaders do not set out to be leaders; they set out to make a difference. My vision was never about my role with our campaign; it was about achieving our goal and making a difference in my community.

            No one ever said it would be easy to elect a twenty-seven year old sheriff. Many thought it to be nearly impossible. Most of our friends were hanging out and attending cocktail parties like most people in their twenties. We decided to spend our time meeting the citizens of Pamlico County and making a difference in our community. Preparing to speak in front of hundreds of people or spending Saturday nights at political events with people our parent’s age was not the norm for most couples in their mid-twenties but these sacrifices made a big difference in the people we are today. It was a struggle to do what needed to be done to win an election versus what we would have rather been doing but it was a struggle my husband and I are so glad we had the opportunity to experience.

            On November 4, 2014 at approximately 7:00 pm all the votes had been cast and the ballots were turned in to be counted. Years of hard work and dedication came down to moments before our lives could change forever. There was not another thing we could do to hinder the outcome of the election. Most would think this would be a feeling of relief but losing control after years of sweat and determination was the most frightening feeling I had ever felt. I will never forget the look on my husband’s face when it was time for the results to be revealed. We had been leaders throughout the whole campaign but for the first time in nearly two years we felt complete emptiness. All eyes were on us and we had come too far to lose our composure now. So we held our heads high and walked into a courtroom crowded with citizens, supporters and our opponent. This was the moment we had all worked so hard for but I felt like I was going to be sick. The early voting ballots came in and we were ahead by a few votes. Several minutes later the townships started calling in to report their voting results. The pendulum swung back and forth. We were down by approximately one hundred votes with three towns to still reveal their results. My hometown, Oriental, the largest precinct, called and reported my husband had won their district by over four hundred votes. The officials started to scramble and we waited patiently not moving a muscle. Then the head of our political party came over and asked my husband to step away. At the time I did not understand what was going on and my emotions were all over the place. About two minutes later my husband walked in and said the words that still ring in my ears today, “I would like to thank each and every one of you who supported me throughout my campaign and it is my pleasure to announce that I am honored to serve as Pamlico County’s Sheriff for the next four years!” At that very moment my life had changed forever. The adrenaline rush was one I had never felt in my whole life and one I do not intend to ever forget.

            We had achieved the goal of a life time and it was the best feeling in the world. We had struggled, lost sleep and made countless sacrifices. Little did we know this role of leadership was only just beginning.  Many of the sacrifices we made on the campaign trail are now just a part of our day-to-day lives. Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others. This experience taught me so much about being a leader and my vision still shines bright. I use this experience every chance I get to prove to others that commitment, integrity and courage can help you succeed with your toughest challenges. Finding only one reason to make a difference or chase your dream is reason enough to give it your best shot. DO IT FOR YOU!