Last week, I had the pleasure of having dinner with one of my childhood friends. Like always, we found ourselves reminiscing about the wonderful life we lived as kids. Pamlico County, in our opinion, was a great place to grow up. Some would disagree and say there was nothing for kids to do but we always found plenty to keep us busy and without realizing it, we found ways to create the best memories.
And…. like always, we found ourselves talking about my dad and the memories we made with him. He was truly one of the good ones and not only special to me but many of my friends as well. I spent close to an hour trying to find the right words to describe my dad and our relationship to my friend who already knew everything there was to know. But for whatever reason I was still trying to justify our close relationship. It has been four years since he left us and to be honest, I am not sure I will ever get over his loss.
During our visit, I told my friend, “It’s like a piece of my soul went with him and I am not sure I will ever feel whole again.” While that may sound sad and emotional for the dinner table, it was not at all. Neither of us were sad, we both just smiled big, remembering how great he was and how lucky I was to have such a great dad and friend as a part of my life.
After we paid our bills and said our goodbyes, neither of us was ready to let the conversation end. So, we continued to text into the evening sending memories back and forth with laughing emojis and heart emojis. And then I sent the words I had been looking for all night, “He let me be little.”
“I think what I loved most was no matter how big and bad I thought I was. I could always come back and be his little girl. He grounded me and let me be little even with all my big dreams.”
You see, I am not exactly the easiest adult to deal with at times, just ask my husband, but I was even less easy of a child to deal with, just ask my mom! LOL. My dad would always say, “Sarah, you were the hardest child to parent because you did everything right and everything wrong. I was afraid if I tried to stop the bad decisions that you would stop making the good decisions.”
What a mess! But I would bet there are plenty of parents out there that feel exactly how my dad felt and are struggling with similar challenges. How to balance being a good parent and doing what is best for your child while trying not to push your child away and/or making situations worse?
Well, let me first say this before you read any further. I do not have children and I always tell my friends who do, that I do not get to give parenting advice or have an opinion on their parenting because I do not have parenting experience. But I did have two awesome parents who did a great job, I think, so I am going to say this. Let them be little.
This does not mean enable your children. This does not mean avoid using tough love tactics. This does not mean allowing your children to take advantage of you. Let them be little, simply means do the best you can to raise decent human beings and find ways along the way to remind them they always have you to lean back on. This means reminding them the world is big and can be scary and life will show them lots of challenges but no matter what they have a support system rooting for them.
I think it is important that we all have that place or person that makes us feel safe and allows us to be little. For me that was with my dad, which is kind of funny because he and I are nothing alike. I am a risk taker, loud, bossy and always busy looking for the next big thing. Dad was meek, mild, didn’t require a lot of stimulation and was content with his simple life. It is like he was the Ying to my Yang. He was stable and he was all the things I am not.
- He would watch me back out of his driveway to be sure I made it safely.
- He told me to be careful every time I was behind the wheel.
- He brought my mail, even when we both knew it was junk. Just to check-in with me.
- He always paid for my dinner even when I was more than capable of picking up the tab.
- He took my car to get the oil changed and tires rotated.
- He would check in on my dog simply because he knew how much I loved my dog.
- And even when I was 30 and married, he still let me slip personal items into his shopping cart and did not let me separate them out at the checkout counter.
None of the things listed above were huge undertakings but to me they meant the world. They made me feel safe and like he was always in my corner. It was simple things that made me know I was still his little girl no matter how old I was.
Dad was simple, there isn’t anything simple about me! I am convinced my chaotic life is the reason he was bald lol. But he didn’t care because I was his little girl. He loved the good and the bad about me. I am independent, type A, strong willed, all the things but with dad it was different. He didn’t care how independent I was or how capable I was of taking care of myself, he enjoyed doing the little things to support me and show his love. He had little ways of showing me no matter what, I would always be his innocent little girl.
To all the parents out there trying to perfect the journey of parenting and trying to do all the right things for your kids……let them be little.
No matter how old your baby is, how smart, how wealthy, how independent, how needy, how whatever. Let there be comfort in giving them a place they can always revert back to for support and give them a place they can be little in this big, crazy, and ever-changing world. Do It For You!
I would like to dedicate this post to my dad, Mike Twichell, who I have missed dearly for the last four years. Even though you are not with me in person, I feel you with me all the time in spirit and for that. Thank You! Thank you for always letting me be little and more importantly for letting me be your little girl.
do it for you 