Anyone who has known me longer than five minutes, knows I love my dogs, Beau and Ammo. You may also know Beau was my dog prior to getting married to Chris and Ammo was Chris’s dog. Chris and I try hard not to show favoritism but it’s no secret Beau is a mommy’s boy and Ammo is a daddy’s girl. What most people don’t know is the reason Beau holds such a special place in my heart.
Beau is quite the rambunctious dog. There was the time he jumped up and ate Chris’s soft warm chocolate chip cookie right out of his hand and I feared for his life. There was the time he ate our Christmas ham off the counter and I was up all night letting him out to get water because the ham made him thirsty. Then there was the time he ate my brand-new flip flops and the many times he has eaten my socks. But there was also a time that Beau’s companionship was the one thing I looked forward to and used as leverage to help pull myself out of a dark whole.
In a previous story, I shared about how I pulled myself out of a depression when I was 20 years old. But about a year later, after making some much needed changes in my life for my physical and mental health, I began to feel like something was still missing. At first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was bothering me, then one day while running with Beau it suddenly dawned on me. I had plenty of self-esteem but was lacking self-respect. For those who may not know, there is a huge difference between the two. Self esteem is the value you give your abilities and skills and self-respect is the value you have about yourself and who you are.
At this point in my life, I was dating different guys for attention and to satisfy my fear of being alone not because I enjoyed their company or considered any kind of future with them. But what I really wanted was to find a partner who I respected and who had respect for me in return. I suddenly realized if I wanted a respectable relationship I needed to change some of my behaviors and the way I treated myself. Most importantly I needed to work on respecting myself if I was expecting respect from others.
I began this process by implementing some changes and putting a stop to the meaningless dating. I had to stop going out with guys I wasn’t interested in just to fill a void and learn to love myself with or without a date. I was fed up with the games I was playing and looking in all the wrong places for my self-worth. The truth was I needed to learn to love myself without assurance from others.
Beau became my rock during this transition because spending time with him made me happy. When I needed fresh air, Beau and I would go for a walk or to the beach. When I needed exercise, Beau and I would go for a run. When I needed to get out of the house, Beau and I would go for rides in my car and listen to music. When I needed a date, Beau and I would hit up a drive thru or grab take out together. Instead of wasting my time on guys I wasn’t interested in for the attention, I choose to spend my time with Beau, who was sometimes over attentive. Beau was always with me, under my feet in the kitchen, staring at me in the bathroom and even going as far as sticking his head in while I was showering just to check on me. It is not unusual to pass me on the road and see Beau in my passenger seat or if you stop by my office you may even find Beau stretched out on the rug under my desk. I’m not saying you need a dog to have self-respect, but you may need to find your own way to transform negative attention into positive attention.
To establish self-respect, I had to first decide I was going to make this change for me. Second, I had to stop demanding approval from others and avoid situations where someone may have the opportunity to be disrespectful. Last, I had to start behaving in ways that showed I respected myself and others. Prior to this change, I would text guys back and forth flirting to get attention but then I realized I didn’t need those nonsense texting sessions to be happy. I controlled my happiness not someone else. I was happy hanging out with Beau and becoming a better version of me.
After a few months of working on my self-respect, I started to see results from my hard work. The most rewarding was when I finally put my foot down with Chris! For those of you who don’t know, when I was growing up I had the biggest crush on my husband Chris, but he always played little games with me. He would send me a flirty text saying exactly what I wanted to hear then I wouldn’t hear from him for weeks. This was a game we played for years until I decided I wasn’t playing these games anymore. I decided I deserved better and that was what I was going to have. I quit responding to Chris’s text messages and went on having the time of my life with Beau. Until one day, Chris’s sister said to me “I think my brother Chris has a thing for you.” I responded with “Maybe, but he only wants to play games. When he decides he wants more than games tell him to call me and I would love to have dinner with him.” WHOA!!!!!! This was a huge breakthrough for me because any other time I would have started right back with the games.
A few days went by and guess what……. HE CALLED!!!! We literally have not been apart since that first official date. I truly believe if I wouldn’t have made a point to start respecting myself, Chris may have never decided to respect me either.
For me building self-respect was about finding a way to stop wasting time on guys I knew were not good for me and start spending my time doing the things that made me happy. Beau was that outlet for me. To Beau we were just best friends and out having fun but to me it was about so much more than that. My special bond with Beau helped shape me into the person I am today. However, this journey is not over because self-respect is still something I am working to improve. Not only with my relationships but in all areas of my life.
Recently it has been my to-do list. I used to feel if I didn’t complete my whole to-do list in a day that I was unmotivated and not working hard enough. That is not true! I’ve had to realize that what I accomplish in a days’ time is enough! What I do or do not accomplish on my to-do list does not justify how motivated or hardworking I am. And guess what! That to-do list will be waiting for me tomorrow.
Some of you may be using Facebook or Instagram likes to determine your accountability or your self-worth. Some of you may be spending money on luxury items, new outfits, boats or even cars to make yourself happy and justify your self-worth. All of these things may give you a form of temporary happiness, but I am here to tell you none of those things will give you long-term happiness nor do they define who you are. You decide who you are and who you want to be. If you are like me and need to work on respecting yourself, only you can make those changes. Decide what you want, what changes you need to implement and DO IT FOR YOU!
do it for you 
Well said! Proud of you!
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